#24 – Healing PTSD with Meditation, Float Tanks, and Mushrooms with Matthew Gangloff

“I’ve lost 10-15 times as many military friends to suicide than to combat.”

PTSD and suicide are a silent epidemic amongst the veteran community. On this episode of the podcast, Matthew Gangloff shares his story, struggles, and the wisdom that he has gained along the way.

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Topics Covered:

1-8 minutes- We give a bit of backstory for how we know each other and what we did before the podcast.

8 minutes – Self-esteem vs placing value in suffering.

10 minutes – “Be care when entering the realm of the Gods because you might come back with a weight too heavy for you to carry.” – Jung. Discussing the container for using psychedelics and coping mechanisms.

11 minutes – The soul leaving the body due to trauma and how to get it back.

13 minutes – Building a wall to hide from emotions. Finding emotions in the body. Anger and anxiety in the solar plexus.

14 minutes – Talking about suffering. Accepting yourself as you are can prevent you from accomplishment/success. Not accepting yourself prevents you from truly growing as an individual.

17 minutes – Talking about internal work. Facing your fears and learning to cope in your heart.

20 minutes – Saying yes to how you are feeling is the realest truth beyond any narrative/story/ideology.

22 minutes – Deep dive into happiness. What is happiness? Should it be the highest ideal?

24-33 minutes – Matt shares some peak experiences and what it felt like to “make it.”

34 minutes – You have no idea how much your mood affects other people. The million mile stare.

36 minutes – Matt describe his family life growing up. The hostile brother archaetype. Fighting his brother and then following him to war after 9-11.

47 minutes – Happiness is a faulty ideal. Finding a true identity and ideal that can withstand the hard times. What is being in the first place? Who am I? I am that I am. Man has fallen from the state of unity and lives in a world of duality. To cope, we numb ourselves to the feeling of seperateness. Going back to the underlying unity vs becoming the thing that mediates between unity and duality.

63 minutes – Matt’s first experience with mushrooms taught him that he doesn’t know shit. His atheist and patriotic views crumbled with that experience. “I don’t know shit and you shouldn’t listen to me. But I feel there is a true knowing if I continue down this path.”

67 minutes – My Ayahuasca experience with the darkness growing eyes and learning to love it. Love is the unconditional affirmation of life - saying yes to the lessons underlying even the worst experiences.

73 minutes – The value of making a goal and sticking to it vs allowing your goals to transform with your life experience.

79 minutes – Matt shares an out of body experience from when he did mushrooms in the float tank. Struggling with fear to surrender into the experience. Going to heaven and not knowing whether he was dead or alive.

85 minutes – Death is the antidote to the suffering born from knowledge of separation. Death brings us back to a state of unity.

88 minutes – Matt shares his experience about being angry that he wasn’t able to kill an enemy combatant because his weapon jammed and how his struggle to deal with that woke him up. PTSD has 2 major origins in war. When you don’t do something that you should have and when you do something that you shouldn’t have.

93 minutes – A huge part of the PTSD epidemic - What really breaks people is finding out that they have all the same capacity for evil that the person that they are trying to kill does. That person also has the same capacity for good that you do.

95 minutes – We identify with the good parts of ourselves and project the evil. This is the source of all external conflict. The line between good and evil runs down the human heart.

100 minutes – The weight of being aware of your dark side is a weight that people that aren’t aware cannot understand.

101 minutes – Men have needed war to deal with their dark side.

104 minutes – Say what you will about what I’ve done but if you needed someone, you’d call me. The dangers of young men identifying as harmless. For most men, this is driven by a motivation to sex and a fear of death.

“I’ve lost 10-15 times as many military friends to suicide than to combat.”

Links to follow up on his work:

www.enlytenlab.com

IG: enlytenlab

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